((Logged 10/30/00)) Casske turns and looks at Dakota happily. "Well... I'm glad you came back, even if only for now. I know I said this before, but you all mean a lot to us here." Casske taps the bar listlessly, not having ordered a drink in the whole time he was there (world record!!!). He once again turned, this time a more sombre look in his eyes. "I'm certian you're the kind of person who hates having to be in debted to someone, or having somebody bail you out. But, in my case, it's my pleasure. Ever since I first met you, I could tell you were different from most people. Always so calm and confident. Yet you could suddenly become meek and sad. It was like... a whole spectrum of fast changing emotions in one being. I guess, all I really want to do is try to help you slow up a little and enjoy life. After all, life is pointless if you can't be around your friends." Dakota smiles lightly, though she can't hide the amount that her face colors, for the first time hearing someone tell her that they've noticed her brash emotions. She sighs lightly, her 'secret' was out in the open now, but for whatever reason, It didn't really bother her that much that Casske knew. Though, if it had been anyone else, Sedge and Kale aside, she hasn't the slightest idea how she'd react. "Thanks Casske..." she says softly, still staring down at the drink, her voice just barly more then a whisper. "I...s'pose you're right." Casske smiles. "I didn't mean to make you so quiet. I can tell this sort of topic is a bit perplexing for you." Casske sighs. "If only I knew where Galia was... she could truly understand you. I was once exactly like you... and she read me like a book. She truly has a skill that can make you feel like nothing in the world is wrong. If it weren't for her, I'd be a brainwashed Gebler grunt with no sense of justice..." Casske smiles. "But you seem a tad different. You're by far the most kind person I know. Even in this horribly violent world, you've retained stunning amounts of mercy and sympathy. I appluad you for it." Dakota lowers her head with a sigh, resting her chin on the bar top. "Casske...Im not who you think...if someone...or something startles me, my first thought is to kill...my first reaction is to draw my dagger...and in battle...i'm almost always consumed...by the first thought to destroy...I don't know why..." she keeps her voice to a low whisper, clearly ashamed that she can admit to this. "Though...I think I know what you mean...about finding someone who can make it seem as though the world knew no trouble...I honest to all things...I swear over my heart, I was laying in the forest and...and when I thought I felt a snake slither beneath my back, I jumped and hid behind Sedge...like an innocent little girl who thought that that snake was the worlds highest danger..." again she sighs lightly, the thought comforts her, yet terrifies her at the same time. "So...who's Galia? Aside from your gear I mean..." her gaze is still directed towards the wall as she attempts to change the subject. Casske raises an eyebrow. "R... really... well... maybe we're more alike than I thought... not to dig up bodies, but I wasn't exactly... well... umm..." Casske shakes his head. "Anyways... Galia was a very dear friend of mine... she was rather like a sister to me. After I escaped from Aveh's prison, I ran into her in the desert. She truly saved me... undoubtedly." Casske's eyes begin to get a bit hazy. "But... it all went so horribly wrong..." Casske lowers his head. His eyes are watering, as if he's holding back tears. Dakota blinks, raising her head. Reflexivly, her arm reachs out towards him, gently rubbing his back in a vain attempt to comfort him. "if you don't want to talk about it...thats fine..." she says softly, curious but not willing to drag him through painfull memories. Casske looks up. Strangely, he's smiling, despite the tear rolling down his cheek. "I hurt her. I nearly killed her. With my..." Casske shakes his head. "My bare hands..." Dakota pauses breifly, comprehending, though the smile seemed like it should alarm her...or un-nerve her in the least. Though, for whatever reason, it did not. Only dragged her curiosity further. "Well...why?" she asks quietly, though imediatly decides her words should've been left unsaid as she gently wipes the tear from his face with her finger and allows her gaze to search his expression. Casske shakes his head, a now far errier smile on his face. "She... she... I don't even remember. She said something I couldn't stand. Something I couldn't comprehend... and I..." Casske's smile fades a bit, as memories are flooding back to him. "She was always so calm and tranquil. I just don't know... but... I... I tackled her to the ground and gashed her... very badly..." Casske blinks as another tear rolls down his cheek. "Then something happened... a striking force... knocked me out cold. When I woke up, all that was there was a puddle of her blood." Dakota nods slowly, again wiping the tear from his cheek. "Then the hope that she is still living and well is still alive." her voice is soft, almost a cooing gentleness in contradiction to the story she is being told. She wets her parched throat with some of the fluid inside the glass, though still pays full attent to him. Casske nods. "I know she's alive... I just know it. Becuase of the incantation... when she dies, so does my spirit. When she dies, so does my soul. When she dies, so does my love..." Casske tilts his head back a bit, staring into space. "She relieved me of my emotional stress and insanity by abosrbing it herself and pushing it into the recesses of her being. While she, a strong person, was unaffected... it was too much for me. When she dies... it will all come back. Every once of guilt, every speck of blood my hands have let." Dakota nods slowly, though she doesn't understand him completly, not knowing, in her naivity, how one can take the emotionsof another and simply clear them untill their deaths. Her gaze reverts again to the wall, staring blankly as she searches for a way to understand. Casske begins muttering what sounds like a strange language. "Shrto... naru... gruks... those are the sacred words that bind me to her. If I speak the name Rackl after all that, the guilt and blood returns to me. I'm... nothing more than a cursed wretch living off someone else's joy." Dakota shakes her head slightly. "No...one cannot live off of anothers joy, only create their own..." she says softly, still staring blankly. "Maybe for now she holds your guilt...your suffering...maybe for now she's holding you from collapsing...but how can she then give you joy in return? The joy you have is given to you but not taken...it is shared amoung those who choose to feel it...but joy can never be lost unless one chooses it to be so..." she speaks quietly. Casske looks towards Dakota, suprised. "That's... very beautiful..." Casske smiles a little, but very faintly. "I guess it's more accurate to say she holds the fate of my joy, my happiness... I'm suprised she didn't return it all to me after what I did to her... I deserve it all, anyways. It's my guilt, not hers. She wasn't that little @#*$in' brat from Nortune, I was." Dakota twitchs at his sudden burst, but settles quickly and tries not to acknowledge the break of composure in hopes that perhaps it would settle to an even rate again, though she doubted it, he seemed pretty worked up. "...you can't tell me she has your guilt and then speak in such a way...you're speaking directly of guilt now, so how can she have it?" Her voice remains single toned and calm, though her gaze does not waver, and she makes no further action to comfort him. Casske chuckles. "You're just not familiar with ether induced hallucinations... and flaskbacks, for that matter... if I try to produce to much ether at once, I have brief mental collapses... my body runs out of it's own supply, and reaches back into my guilt and hatred, using its power. So... I experience the guilt, even if only briefly. I can't remember specific incidents, but... I know I was... just simply horrible." Dakota nods vaguly, any thought of reason had left her by now. "I see..." she murmers softly, unable to speak on the topic, knowing well enough that ether isn't her strong point, and can hardly see Casske as a horrible person. Casske pounds his fist against the bar, though not very hard. "Maybe I should just get it over with and regain myself now. I could do so at any time, and end this charade." Dakota twitches again the the outburst, turning her head and raising a brow. She sits there, staring at him for a moment, blinking a few times as if taking information that way. "Would it really make a difference?" she questions softly... Casske tilts his head and raises an eyebrow slightly. "What do you mean, exactly?" Dakota seeks a tactfull way to place her words. "Look at yourself Casske...not physically...but just...look into yourself, and see what you're doing to yourself. What if it was a simple placebo? What if she had changed you not through taking your guilt, but through gentleness and...and soft hearted being? Perhaps...perhaps it was all the simple charad you needed to feel raised from a depth you could not handle. What if through a simple mind placebo, she changed you, but took no really guilt? B/c otherwise...you're only creating new guilt...and turning it in on yourself...which can destroy you Rackl..." she trails off lightly, fully expecting a verbal thrashing, perhaps even physical, but she was prepared for it, and made no attempt to stop or avoid whatever lays ahead.